Next month will be my 7 year wedding anniversary insha’Allah (God willing). And 7 years later I’m still confused about which title to use . . .
Am I a Mrs ? or a Ms?
I’m married ,so technically that makes me a MRS right? … Well that’s what I thought. You see I chose to keep my maiden name and that’s when the confusion began. Surely keeping my surname should make life easier! For one, I don’t have to deal with the hassle of having to change my driving license , bank details, passport blah blah blah…
The home office incident :
I first encountered an issue with using the title MRS a few years ago with a member of staff at the home office.
Staff: “Sorry your passport details do not match our system”.
Me: (Surprised) “Please can you double-check?”
Staff: “Sorry Mrs (husbands surname ) it doesn’t match”.
I quickly corrected her mistake, she had made an assumption that I shared my husband’s surname, which was worrying to say the least, considering she was typing my name in her ‘system’ using my passport.
Staff: ‘ In this country we take the husband’s surname’
Me: ‘I am from this country and I chose not to change my name’.
Staff: “If you use MRS with your maiden name it’s as if you are married to your father”
Me: “Well if I use my husband’s surname it’s as if I’m married to my father in law right?
I didn’t understand her logic .
The bank incident:
My husband and I decided to open a joint account (as married people do) . My husband isn’t much of a talker so I was chatting away with the gentleman whilst he began our application. I showed him my driving license as ID which has the title ‘MISS’ . He then asked to see my husbands ID referring to him as Mr (my maiden). My husband and I found it rather funny (we’re easily amused).
The doctor Incident:
I think I’m about to throw a spanner in the works HaHa!. You see my son has his fathers surname. As it is my understanding from an Islamic perspective that it is the correct thing to do.
“Call them (adopted sons) by (the names of) their fathers, that is more just with Allaah…” [al-Ahzaab 33:5].
As it is in this world, so it will also be in the Hereafter, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:
“On the Day of Resurrection, each betrayer will have a banner raised beside him, and it will be said, this is the betrayer of So and so the son of So and so.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5709, and Muslim, 3265).
When registering my son at the doctors I found that my sons surname was already noted down as mine . I asked for this to be changed with his birth certificate as proof.
Receptionist: “Is this right as your son has a different surname to you ”
Me: “Yes , it’s my husband’s name”.
Receptionist: ‘Oh I have you down as MS ‘
Me: “It’s not a problem I’m happy with Ms or Mrs and no I haven’t changed my name”.
So as you can see whether I use Miss, MRS or Ms somebody will have something to say.
Did you or will you change or keep your name after marriage ? What led you to make that decision ?