Am I a Mrs or a Ms ?

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Next month will be my 7 year wedding anniversary insha’Allah (God willing). And 7 years later I’m still confused about which title to use . . .

Am I a Mrs ? or a Ms?

I’m married ,so technically that makes me a MRS right? … Well that’s what I thought. You see I chose to keep my maiden name and that’s when the confusion began. Surely keeping my surname should make life easier! For one, I don’t have to deal with the hassle of having to change my driving license , bank details, passport blah blah blah…

The home office incident :

I first encountered an issue with using the title MRS a few years ago with a member of staff at the home office.

Staff: “Sorry your passport details do not match our system”.

Me: (Surprised) “Please can you double-check?”

Staff: “Sorry Mrs (husbands surname ) it doesn’t match”.

I quickly corrected her mistake, she had made an assumption that I shared my husband’s surname, which was worrying to say the least, considering she was typing my name in her ‘system’ using my passport.

Staff: ‘ In this country we take the husband’s surname’

Me: ‘I am from this country and I chose not to change my name’.

Staff: “If you use MRS with your maiden name it’s as if you are married to your father”

Me: “Well if I use my husband’s surname it’s as if I’m married to my father in law right?

I didn’t understand her logic .

 

The bank incident:

My husband and I decided to open a joint account (as married people do) . My husband isn’t much of a talker so I was chatting away with the gentleman whilst he began our application. I showed him my driving license as ID which has the title ‘MISS’ . He then asked to see my husbands ID referring to him as Mr (my maiden). My husband and I found it rather funny (we’re easily amused).

 

The doctor Incident:

I think I’m about to throw a spanner in the works HaHa!. You see my son has his fathers surname. As it is my understanding from an Islamic perspective that it is the correct thing to do.

“Call them (adopted sons) by (the names of) their fathers, that is more just with Allaah…” [al-Ahzaab 33:5].
As it is in this world, so it will also be in the Hereafter, as the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“On the Day of Resurrection, each betrayer will have a banner raised beside him, and it will be said, this is the betrayer of So and so the son of So and so.” (Narrated by al-Bukhaari, 5709, and Muslim, 3265).

When registering my son at the doctors I found that my sons surname was already noted down as mine . I asked for this to be changed with his birth certificate as proof.

Receptionist: “Is this right as your son has a different surname to you ”

Me:  “Yes , it’s my husband’s name”.

Receptionist: ‘Oh I have you down as MS ‘

Me: “It’s not a problem I’m happy with Ms or Mrs and no I haven’t changed my name”.

 

So as you can see whether I use Miss, MRS or Ms somebody will have something to say.

 

Did you or will you change or keep your name after marriage ? What led you to make that decision ?

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16 thoughts on “Am I a Mrs or a Ms ?

  1. Rida wa Raheem says:

    Ms and miss are not the same miss is for all unmarried women/ girls. Women married or not take mrs or ms, mostly personal preference (whether or not you choose to be identified as belonging to your husband). If you choose to keep you name you must use ms, the bank teller was correct if your maiden name is john, and your husbands is smith mrs. John means Mr john’s wife, which is quite different from Mr Smith’s wife. You can choose to use any term you like as English is fluid, but technically speaking miss (pronounced mizz) means you are a girl or unmarried, ms means you are a woman or married, and mrs means you are the property/wife of the correlating Mr….

    Ps. I am ms Jackson as I also kept my name, but I am known as um my sons name (who also shares his fathers name)

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  2. sincerelymayda says:

    Well if I use my husband’s surname it’s as if I’m married to my father in law right? Hahaha this made me laugh. Before my daughter was born my husband and I travelled a lot and I always wondere weather people thought we weren’t married hahaha

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Asbah Alaena says:

    Haha thats funny, reminds me one of Aesops tales where people always had something to say to a couple with a donkey.

    i have two names, which mesns it didnt include my father’s surname before i was married and I chose to not change it after as well.

    Its Asbah Alaena

    But so far I didnt encounter any problem because all my legal documents have my husband’s name seperately mentioned.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Zainab Dokrat says:

    Sigh I know when the time comes and I get married the amount of paperwork I have to go through to change my surname everywhere is going to just make me scream lol that I ain’t looking forward to. I know when you travel to Saudi especially for umrah and hajj there is a lor of hassle if your surname does not match your husband’s which is weird because in Islam you do not have to change it actually I don’t think you’re suppose to.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Umme Hafsa says:

    Heheheh some of the confusion is funny 🙂 Personally I think it’s really cute to take your husband’s surname (but that’s just me lol) but of course Islamically you are supposed to keep your fathers name. I

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  6. Chelsea WellnessMuslimah says:

    Wow I can’t believe you ran into so many problems. I guess I can see that being a bit confusing in this country lol. I will keep my name. I actually love my last name and when I reverted to Islam and found out woman are supposed to keep their name I felt so happy =)

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